Ups and downs

How are you, friends? Long time no chat.

I haven’t written at all this week. I was really down on myself about it, but then I realized that a) I’m ahead of my goals for my wordcount this year anyway and b) I’m about to take on a really hard scene and maybe I just need some rest before I do that. So I decided to put this week’s wordcount towards a blogpost.

I’ve started a lot of these this year, with subjects ranging from everything from AI to books I’ve read to new poems. None of them have quite stuck. I think this is a combination of things. It’s true that my dayjob has been pretty rocky the last year or so, and also true that while being a parent of a toddler is a lot easier than being the parent of an infant, neither of these things are a cake walk. Between the two I’ve suffered from more than my fair share of insomnia and general stress, leading to a lot of fun ailments as my body tries and fails to keep up with what I’m asking of it. I can’t say this has gotten better this year, with the *waves hands* situation we all find ourselves in.

This general overwhelm is balanced out by the most sublime happiness that I can imagine. I love being a mom. I especially love being a mom in a household with really balanced approaches to the whole domestic duties thing. The S.O. works part time and does most of the childcare. We have a great village. I’ve been able to maintain my career and even advance it, though it hasn’t been easy. When I get time to myself, I spend it lavishly on myself, and when I get time with the family, I am an absolute glutton. Every moment is golden and precious. Baby W is growing so fast. Watching him become more and more aware of the world has been a dream. I am absolutely strung out, walking on a wire, barely making it many days. And yet I would not trade it for anything.

So when the thing that I really do love and enjoy is not quite feeling compelling it’s worth taking a step back to see what’s up. I spent this week watching an anime for the first time in…oh probably two years. It’s been lovely. And we got caught up on necessary chores – taxes, etc. There’s an old adage about death and taxes, but the adage fails to include flowers so therefore I find it lacking.

Maybe I’ll get around to those blogposts someday about all the things happening in the world, the genre fiction things and the creativity industry things. I want to get that fire back. But right now I’m wrapped up in a different thing, and when the words don’t come I remind myself that it’s not because the fire is out.
I hope you’re all doing your best to fuel yourselves in uncertain times, to take each day as it comes, and to find joy where joy finds you. Life is all ups and downs, some steeper than others. Be gentle. The greatest strength is gentleness.